Apologies for the lack of blog posts. For those that have been reading our journey we made a decision to take a year off , be us , have fun, laugh and remember who we were before everything. Try and shake that label off we had given ourselves as the couple that lost two babies, the couple that IVF failed, the couple that don’t have kids.
Its been an amazing few months, we have been on holidays, spent time discovering us again and had a lot of fun! Our fur babies are forever embedded in our lives and our hearts and have helped us so much . I am really enjoying working full time again. I am also volunteering for two charities which keeps me busy and I think I am back to the old Hayley. My friendships that I cherish so much have strengthened and I feel that I am on top of my shit at last! Of course I get the twinges of sadness, the sad feelings always appear when scrolling through social media and seeing someone else has had a baby or is pregnant but I dont’ take it all so personally anymore, that is their journey and this is ours.
We had a letter from the hospital in May telling us it was a year since freezing and long story short we either pay for another year of storage of the embabies get destroyed. It was not as harsh as that but quite to the point which I suppose in medical world is normal. We paid the storage fee and decided it was now time to address the issue of Elsa and Olaf in the freezer. We made a nurses appointment at the ACU and went this week to find out what happens next. Nurse M saw us and she said to me “you look fab you have lost weight” I felt like saying ” I should hope so love, last time you saw me I was carrying 5 litres extra fluid and looked like a weeble!” Anyway, she told us that I would need to have a medicated cycle which involves going on the Buserelin for 2 weeks to suppress the pituitary gland so no ovulation occurs and then on HRT and pessaries to thicken the lining (joys!) She said I could come off the pill and wait for my first full cycle after the pill then we can start after, that is if my cycle comes back. 80% of embabies survive the thaw and ours are not great quality so she said that they would prefer to put two in. I am happy with that because if it doesn’t work then its done we can close the chapter on IVF and decide whats going on after that but if it does work and they both stick…. well that is when hubby will pass out !
After the appointment I started to panic, am I ready for it, do I still want to be a mum? I think when you do not have the luxury of getting pregnant with not a lot of effort or hardship then it makes you overthink it, you have more time to doubt yourself and your destiny. After having a think I said to hubby why don’t try take some control back, lets not rush it. If we can dictate lets try. So we have decided to come off the pill in October and hopefully have November and December to get ready and then fingers crossed have the transfer in January. Selfish maybe but if I can have a very drunken Christmas and new year then I will because maybe, just maybe it will all be a very different Christmas 2019.
Watch this space…
Searching for a positive 