2017 is upon us and we enter the new year pretty much the same as 2016 and 2015 full of hope .
Christmas was good we had a toast to our babies in the sky on Christmas day and went for a lovely walk with my brother and sister-in-law, on New Years Eve we had our closest friends and family over , I had a bit of a cry after midnight but that was gin fuelled so everything felt 10 times worse. I am not one for New Year’s resolutions as I think it’s easier to wait a bit then commit to something, for example I gave up smoking on the 29th January 2015 as felt less pressure if I failed, however I haven’t touched a cigarette since that day.
I was asked at work if I would be interested in taking on a different responsibility, it would involve some complex learning on my part as is more specialist than what I do at present. I did say yes but then after talking to the husband I felt a bit guilty, what if they invest time training me for me to then leave for maternity.I know lots of women would keep quiet but I felt I had to be honest so I pulled my (male) manager aside and explained the situation , I also told him that if there was anyone else suited I would not take offence, his response really hit home ” you are still my first choice and I wouldn’t look for someone else on the basis that you may or may not be going on maternity in a year”
I thought to myself he is absolutely right, I should not be pinning all my hopes on this working, it is hard not to though. Some days it’s all I think about , normally I am positive and other days I am totally despondent and a bit woeful, why us, why can’t my body be normal and just work.
For me 2017 is the year of determination, I am determined to make the best of whatever this year throws at us, I am determined to make sure my husband knows that I love him no matter what, baby or no baby, I am determined to invest more time and energy into the amazing friends and family we have surrounding us and I am determined to be thankful that I am healthy, loved and content and the absence of 2 blue lines will never change that.
Searching for a positive 