I asked hubby if he would write a blog post for this page, he was a bit hesitant at first but I feel its important that the man gets a voice too, there are so many help pages for women, leaflets for women etc but not very many for the men so here it is:
“Few things about me:
I am not a man of terribly many words
I am definitely not a man who likes talking about personal things
I have an inherent fear of needles (however would like to point out that the bruising from my blood test was extreme – it was like she took my blood with a battle axe).
So I was not completely over-the-moon with excitement when my wife asked me to create something for her blog. But, like most things on the journey we are going through, I cannot complain about anything (except needles) so here goes.
Miscarriage. What a shitty word.
I remember first reading it when we had our first visit to the early pregnancy unit during our first pregnancy. It was up there on this massive poster, explaining how 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Considering where we were sitting at the time, I was not sure it was the best place for that poster. But thinking about our experiences with the NHS (apart from the ACU), the positioning of that poster was actually quite an appropriate reflection of the NHS.
The miscarriages we have had are without doubt the most horrible things we have ever experienced. Having a miscarriage is an unbelievably harrowing experience for a couple to go through and it really disappoints me how little gets said about them or the lack of support for people. I spent hours (probably days) looking for answers, support, solace, pretty much anything. Your entire world collapses but there is such a huge misunderstanding / misconception around them, that you get answers like ‘it is natures way of dealing with things’. Trust me, that is not want you want to hear.
I still get really upset when I think about what has happened. Those days will stay with me forever and I do think about them quite a lot. Especially during this journey. There is a continual fear that sits with you, it knaws away at you. ‘Will it happen again?’. And what makes it even worse is it that could happen again and you know there is nothing you can do about it. As one doctor put it ‘you just need to keep rolling to dice’. Not sure how many more throws are left.
The other shitty part of this journey is how useless you feel as a guy. Apart from a little ‘me time’ (cue more complaining), you are a spectator in the game. You have to deal with becoming a bystander and that has been a struggle for me. You are not the one having the injections, the scans, the drugs and the side effects that come with them. You are not the one who has to go through everything in the process – and most of the process seems pretty shitty. You just hope that the end result makes it all worth it.
As we approach the critical stage of the process, who knows what will happen. I suppose you just have to try and focus on the positives (I have a great app which helps). Whatever happens, I live my live by a simple mantra – ‘everything happens for a reason’, and am really holding onto that and have everything crossed that this could be our time. But you know what, if it is not our time, we will deal with that together.”
Searching for a positive 